Good Times, Finally

After my birthday epiphany, I have understood myself better and allowed myself to feel how I feel. Actions are voluntary, feelings happen. Contrary to the way I was raised, feelings cannot be inappropriate or disgraceful, only what you do about them. Some people find solace in denial. I am not one of those.

Accepting Yndi as she is, telling Roger that she can stay at his place longer than 30 days if she needs to, has taken the pressure of him and off Yndi.

Yndi's weakest link is her confidence. Therefore, much of her training has been focused on that. Doing what she can do easily. Schmoozing with people, a little Reiki treatment. She is really a nice pony. I am proud to own her but not attached. Yet.

She has a fantastic trot!

I am listening to Grave Peril, by Jim Butcher, read by James Marsters. Buffy the Vampire fans will know James Marsters as Spike.

Here is a summary I sent to Diana yesterday on FB PM:
I have a cold. Otherwise OK. Silver was very active this morning, it was fun. Mon-Tuesday we went to Mt Hamilton. I thought of you and thought you would like the quiet, with moss and lichen hanging from the trees. Wednesday I took Hubby to IKEA for recreational shopping. We don't do that often, but IKEA is a good place for it,with a snack bar and a cafeteria eatery inside. We had Swedish potato chips. Yesterday I took him out to Knightsen to meet Yndi and Roger. It was a good day. Then I spent the rest of the day drinking tea and watching Fringe on DVD. Today I go to see Yndi by myself. Whoo! It takes 80 minutes to get there! I have a lecture series on US history in my ipod and I am trying to learn all the words to Lydia The Tattooed Lady

8..(

Roger,

Yesterday was hard, but it become clear, in the end, why it was so. Dave wanted to get me the perfect birthday gift but I couldn't tell him what I wanted because I didn't want anything. He said "We'll go online tonight, that carriage driving place, and you can pick out something for Yndi."

So, all day, what do I want. I just miss Maggie, Janow's loss is not far away yet. I took Lydia Dog for a 2nd walk at Indian Hill Ranch, seeking sunlight to lift my spirits. My friends were there. We cried for Maggie.

Dave was ready for cyber-shopping so we sit down and I look at the screen. "I don't want to buy something for Yndi, I want to buy something for Maggie." I ask for a rain check.

Now I understand why I have been so distressed by Yndi's behavior. When I watch you work with her, it is amazing. I know that having her with you is the best I could do for her. My anxiety and uncertainty is my grief for Maggie in disguise. Now that I realize this, I can see that Yndi gets mad, but not mean. She resists, but is not aggressive. These things are huge and important. I have tremendous faith in you, more each time I watch you. I need to have patience with Yndi and with myself. Yndi deserves nothing less.

She could benefit from some Reiki. Can you please ask Rose Marie to see her? I will bring my checkbook next time I come.

Cara

Here are the Pictures of the Morning

Silver cleans herself under the chair.

Lydia guards my lap from cats and rabbits.

Silver returns to the BUNker.

Wiskers watches from afar

Mary Shelley watches from nearer.

"You guys are so boring."

There used to be a lap here.

Whiskers comes closer.

Mary Shelley wants something. Don't guess wrong. Or else.

No New Pictures, Just Stupid Thoughts

That's it. No pictures, again. I should take pictures of Silver or Lydia.......

I hope Yndi becomes a nice driving pony.

This whole thing started three years ago. Lessons, training......getting the trailer fixed....That took way too long. Then, new horses. Two in a year. I could not keep them alive. Now Yndi, who is very attractive with great gaits.......and a pistol.

Roger believes she will be a nice driving pony. Consistent work and patience.

Watching Roger work with her is absorbing and amazing. I have more confidence in him than I can put into words. Having Yndi sent directly to his care and training instead of going to Indian Hill....good decision.

But still, I am not driving around. Not with Janow, not with Maggie, not with Yndi.

Joseph is having a terrible time. When your child is having a rough time, you are too. His rough times are tougher than most. Other people don't believe me, they think I am being dramatic. All teens have terrible times, Josephs are worse.

I need to try to contact the police and find out what parents rights are. as far as I can determine, the law provides rights for minors to protect them from adults. If those are the only legal rights in place, then parents cannot make a child do anything they don't want to do...like eat the dinner I prepare and not something else in the freezer. Like turn off the Xbox and go to bed. Like do your homework.

The yelling ruins whole evenings, whole days. This is domestic abuse. He is bigger and stronger than I am, I cannot make him do anything.

I want, with all my heart, to take his Christmas gifts back to the stores.

The guy that Dave got to draw up the house plans for submission to the county for a building permit, is taking too long for Dave. He is very anxious. I am finding it hard to maintain interest with the other stuff going on.

I am back in physical therapy. My right hip has frozen and I have sciatica in the left leg. I need to find an acupuncturist to help with the chronic inflammation and the migraine headaches.

This time I spend, on the floor, with my animals, is my favorite time of day. I have taken pictures, I will upload them later. Right now. I do not want to get up and find the chord.

Progress

Yndi has proven to be very tricky. I am having to step up my game. She can be pretty resistant. She can barge into you, step on your feet, whop you with her head, and rear. Marion helped me a lot, showing me how to lead her. I've been leading horses since 1973, but it seems I had more to learn.

Roger has been incredible, waiting for her to get over her hysterics and then getting her to go on. The training is under there, he says, but from what I have heard on the grapevine, it may not have been the kindest training. Roger says that explains a lot of her behavior, but he thinks she can get over it. She is getting kind training now, and makes tremendous progress in very short times.

Yesterday he switched her bit to Maggie's French link. Her mouth measures 4", but Maggie's bit is four and a half. the shape of her head seems to make the four inch bit too small. She was better after the switch.

Yndi is a very pretty girl, with a fantastic trot, though not muscled at all. Maggie was a funky looking pony, though I thought she was beautiful. Maggie's trot was not so good, but regular and even. She didn't canter. Maggie was SO reliable, so steady. Yndi is not reliable at all. At least not now.

At this time, I have no attachment.

Good Day

This is Yndi. Pronounced Yindy, rhymes with Mindy, no Mork.
She is my new pony.
Yndi is a 16 year old Gotland mare. She has been a broodmare all her life, but, the economy is bad, breeders are breeding fewer foals because they can't sell them. In Yndi's case, the breeder is getting out of pony breeding and investing her resources in something else.

I think Yndi got lucky. I know I got lucky. Now she gets to be somebody's personal pony and get all the attention.
She is trained to drive, but very rusty. She will be at Roger's for training, to brush up on what she knows and get me up to the challenge of driving her myself. I might have been able to do it myself, but why take the risk? Roger will make sure we are OK.
On the other hand, sales have been bad. Marketing costs have equalled gross. That means they are more than net, and that means I am in the red.

So: This pad and others, and some really cool sweatshirts can be seen and purchased in my etsy shop.
Click here for Etsy. From my store, you can search other stores and see a wide variety of very cool one-of-a-kind items. Perfect when you want to give something nice that they couldn't just go the the nearest box store and buy.

Yesterday

Yesterday was a big day!
First: the auto parts store for truck parts.
Then: the post office to pack and ship gifts. We packed it all in fixed rate boxes in the parking lot.
And then: Milpitas High School for the Junior Naval ROTC promotions.
Then......To Knightsen to receive Yndi!

Down

This is a down pillow. When I said "down," this isn't quite what I had in mind.

Whatever.

Wind

It did this at our house. Lydia saw the fence come down out the sliding door. The was pretty upset. "Yap yap yap yap!"

It broke a valve on the auto watering system. Lots of water, but Dave saw it fast and stopped the water.

My friends living up in the hills have worse problems.

Yesterday Was Bizarre

It Really was.

I woke up at 1:00am with a migraine beginning. I got up and took a pill and made coffee. Lydia got up too. I watched four episodes of Lie To Me and drank four big sups of coffee.

The headache didn't go away completely, I woke up too late for that, but it became manageable. Lydia really liked sleep-most-of-the-night-on-a-lap. She tolerated my trips back to the kitchen for more coffee.

I got the 3 minute video of Yndi on FaceBook, and, after watching it many times, called and made an offer. My offer was accepted and now we are doing details of Coggin's testing and Health Certificate and delivery.

The seller seemed pretty pleased with my offer, and I think I am getting a real good deal.

She will go to Roger's for a while first. She is not solid enough for me to drive solo. Could be rusty, could be that she had little experience years ago when she was driven.

She had never been trained under saddle.

Mostly, she has had foals.

So, last night, after the stress of horse buying, migraine, and up since 1:00am, I slept through most of an episode of Star Trek OS, I went to bed without any rabbit petting.

I am getting a new Pony Girl.

On My Mind

I have a lot on my mind......

Fire!

Dave bought a used fire hydrant on ebay.

He is cleaning the old yellow paint off. In the kitchen.
I did not complain. I cooked Thanksgiving dinner around it. He noticed.

Are You Scrooge?

Thanksgiving is almost here, kicking off the Holiday Shopping Season. Receiving gifts from Target and Wal*Mart thousands of miles away, exactly like the stuff you can get at Target and Wal*Mart in your town. You can save a few steps by picking up a Target Gift card while you are picking up your prescription for anxiety medication.

You can just go giftless. Be sure, in our culture, that you will cause yourself a lot of grief.


----OR-----

Buy One-of-a-Kind hand crafted in the USA art! Something they CAN'T just go get on the way to something else.

I have a website for Wearable Art Sweatshirts and Art Saddle Pads here DOUBLECATBATIK.COM

or
ebay
and some other things on ETSY

Etsy is a great place to find all kinds of unique gifts. You don't have to look for yourself, but I'm just sayin'......

Am I relieved?

Someone said how relieved I must be not to have to go to the barn every day and take care of something.

I didn't know what to say, so I just said "No. I'm not."

Squirrelinators

From Karen Hebert, who, maybe, got it from somebody else.

The Stable Scoop

The Stable Scoop is a podcast "radio talk show" that you can listen to on your computer or download to an MP3. I listen to it while I walk Lydia.

Click on the picture, it's a link. You can also hear or download lots of old episodes, and it's FREE! Free is good, it means you can spend more money on your horses.

Other Stuff: Someone is trying to scam me for my cart ad in BAEN, Bay Area Equestrian Network.

Carp.
I mean crap.

Also, the whole dang post is a link. I am not going to fix it. I wasted most of yesterday with a migraine. More carp.

Carriage House

Yesterday I worked on the cover for the carraige house. When I began this project, it was going to house Janow's cart. The last time I worked on it, it was going to house Maggie's cart. You can see the inexpensive cart I got to use while I was waiting for Maggie's custom Sprint cart to be completed. It is still not completed, but I have commitment to Todd Frey so I will honor it.

I don't know if working on this is part of moving on, or what. It feels weird. But....when I get it done, the Pfaff can be put to use on saddle pads.

This cart is for sale. I am emailing with someone who responded to my craigs list ad.
Yesterday was my most productive day in a long time.

On the lighter side, Paula waiting for bread, with Lydia waiting to steal Paula's bread.

Lots of Saddle pads listed on ebay this week.

Tomorrow Joseph has a day off school. I would take him somewhere fun, but at 15, "fun" and "mom" do not happen together.

She Was So Beautiful

Breathing In and Out

"Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long."
--Sam Baldwin, Sleepless in Seattle

That's pretty much how I feel. Things are not going according to plan. The support I have received would be heartening, but I feel like my heart is in a box somewhere, I forget where. I spent all day Tuesday in bed with a migraine that was so bad I didn't think I would live. I hoped I wouldn't.

I watched her through the day. By 2:00pm, I knew she was dying. The vet was coming, I would have her put down. She got worse, the vet was not here, she got worse, the vet was stuck in bay area traffic. She got worse. She started to stagger and get down, then up, then down. She was hunched in pain, up, down, up, down. She hurt. I said:
"Just stay down and stop breathing." Up, down, up down, staggering, falling, up, down, up, down.
"Maggie, please, just lay down and die." Up, down. Finally, she did.

Beautiful Maggie, with the golden nose and soft hair. Maggie, who whinnied at me to come out of the outhouse. Maggie, who would just come up to me in her paddock and lean her neck on my hip. Maggie, who would leave her food to knicker at me not to leave yet. Her illness and hospitalization bonded us so closely. She brought out the best in me.

Then the nightmares. Horses flipping over onto their heads and dying, huge bodies crashing to the ground, bones shattering. One horse, then two, then five. Dying in agony all around me. I was helpless, and then I woke up and could not catch my breath. I went back to sleep and dreamed it all again.

I went back to the ranch to clean up. So many cards, so many people came. One person had become hysterical on Tuesday and had to be driven home by another boarder. It was someone I don't even know very well.

When she was dying, I breathed in, trying to hold her scent forever. But I had to breathe out.

Maggie

Maggie colicked again on Sunday Night. She died on Monday night.

Recent Visit

Maggie is appears to be squinting. She's not. She blinks a lot. She is blinking in many of her photos. I think she is getting a new hat. Maybe that will help the blinking.

Not Happy with that!

You can't publish with the new Explorer, you must have Google Chrome. Does it make sense? Blogspot is Google. Ida no.

Very Little

I am having a difficult time posting this. I click PUBLISH POST and nothing happens. It's been days now. And there are some really cute Lydia photos.....

Still trying, might have to get Google Chrome. Stupid Explorer 9.

Not much. Not much of any importance anyway. Everything is going like it ought to be, or about as good as we could hope under the circumstances.


National Geographic has a good article on teenage brains.


Time has a good piece on parental favoritism.


I could say I have been busy, that Maggie is a lot of work, that the teen is a lot of work, that the house and winterizing are a lot of work. These things could be true, but not really explain.


The real explanation is stupid, but it's the real one. Playdom City of Wonder. I'm trying to cut down. It's not working. I might have to check in to a rehab facility, one with no wifi.

Ask Maggie

Dear Maggie,
My owner got me one of those new fangled Slow Feed hay bags. It makes it very difficult to eat my hay. I have to pull it out of the teeny holes one blade at a time. How can I convince her to get rid of the bag and just put my hay in a manger?
Thanks, Tubby

Dear Tubby,
Getting people to change their minds is a very difficult process, usually not worth the effort. You just need a good Work Around. Here is what you do with the hay bag: Thrust your muzzle deep into the mesh, chomp up and down rapidly with your incisors, like a rodent. This will break up the hay so that large amounts will simply fall out of the holes and into your mouth.
Maggie

IfThenNot

If your nose gets itchy,

don't rub it with your sleeve.

Not Invited

If you take photos of people while they are eating, they will stop inviting you to lunch.

Janow's Blankets

I sold some of Janow's blankets. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I loved Janow, not his blankets.

I guess it makes Janow a more distant past than he was when I still had these blankets. So for that, I am sad. Very sad.


This is Jazzie. She will be wearing the blankets.

ROTC, Bannana Chips and Sharing

Milpitas High School Junior Naval Reserve Officer Training Corps has new uniforms this year, in a new color. This year brings Drill Team With Arms and Arms Master.

Silver had to share her banana chips with Lydia.

Lydia believes dogs need banana chips too.

Paula is glad nobody is making her eat banana chips. (Have you ever tried to make a chicken eat anything? I didn't think so!)