Monday, December 19, 2011



Yesterday was hard, but it become clear, in the end, why it was so. Dave wanted to get me the perfect birthday gift but I couldn't tell him what I wanted because I didn't want anything. He said "We'll go online tonight, that carriage driving place, and you can pick out something for Yndi."

So, all day, what do I want. I just miss Maggie, Janow's loss is not far away yet. I took Lydia Dog for a 2nd walk at Indian Hill Ranch, seeking sunlight to lift my spirits. My friends were there. We cried for Maggie.

Dave was ready for cyber-shopping so we sit down and I look at the screen. "I don't want to buy something for Yndi, I want to buy something for Maggie." I ask for a rain check.

Now I understand why I have been so distressed by Yndi's behavior. When I watch you work with her, it is amazing. I know that having her with you is the best I could do for her. My anxiety and uncertainty is my grief for Maggie in disguise. Now that I realize this, I can see that Yndi gets mad, but not mean. She resists, but is not aggressive. These things are huge and important. I have tremendous faith in you, more each time I watch you. I need to have patience with Yndi and with myself. Yndi deserves nothing less.

She could benefit from some Reiki. Can you please ask Rose Marie to see her? I will bring my checkbook next time I come.



Breathe said...

Yndi will get there. And so will you. My thoughts are with you, Cara.

Lisa said...

I am so sorry for your difficult times. I hope training continues to show promise with Yndi so that you can start working with her, that Joseph's troubles improve, and that the husband, cats and dog continue to stay well. Merry Christmas, we continue to think of you.