Yesterday was hard, but it become clear, in the end, why it was so. Dave wanted to get me the perfect birthday gift but I couldn't tell him what I wanted because I didn't want anything. He said "We'll go online tonight, that carriage driving place, and you can pick out something for Yndi."
So, all day, what do I want. I just miss Maggie, Janow's loss is not far away yet. I took Lydia Dog for a 2nd walk at Indian Hill Ranch, seeking sunlight to lift my spirits. My friends were there. We cried for Maggie.
Dave was ready for cyber-shopping so we sit down and I look at the screen. "I don't want to buy something for Yndi, I want to buy something for Maggie." I ask for a rain check.
Now I understand why I have been so distressed by Yndi's behavior. When I watch you work with her, it is amazing. I know that having her with you is the best I could do for her. My anxiety and uncertainty is my grief for Maggie in disguise. Now that I realize this, I can see that Yndi gets mad, but not mean. She resists, but is not aggressive. These things are huge and important. I have tremendous faith in you, more each time I watch you. I need to have patience with Yndi and with myself. Yndi deserves nothing less.
She could benefit from some Reiki. Can you please ask Rose Marie to see her? I will bring my checkbook next time I come.