On My Mind

I have a lot on my mind......

Fire!

Dave bought a used fire hydrant on ebay.

He is cleaning the old yellow paint off. In the kitchen.
I did not complain. I cooked Thanksgiving dinner around it. He noticed.

Are You Scrooge?

Thanksgiving is almost here, kicking off the Holiday Shopping Season. Receiving gifts from Target and Wal*Mart thousands of miles away, exactly like the stuff you can get at Target and Wal*Mart in your town. You can save a few steps by picking up a Target Gift card while you are picking up your prescription for anxiety medication.

You can just go giftless. Be sure, in our culture, that you will cause yourself a lot of grief.


----OR-----

Buy One-of-a-Kind hand crafted in the USA art! Something they CAN'T just go get on the way to something else.

I have a website for Wearable Art Sweatshirts and Art Saddle Pads here DOUBLECATBATIK.COM

or
ebay
and some other things on ETSY

Etsy is a great place to find all kinds of unique gifts. You don't have to look for yourself, but I'm just sayin'......

Am I relieved?

Someone said how relieved I must be not to have to go to the barn every day and take care of something.

I didn't know what to say, so I just said "No. I'm not."

Squirrelinators

From Karen Hebert, who, maybe, got it from somebody else.

The Stable Scoop

The Stable Scoop is a podcast "radio talk show" that you can listen to on your computer or download to an MP3. I listen to it while I walk Lydia.

Click on the picture, it's a link. You can also hear or download lots of old episodes, and it's FREE! Free is good, it means you can spend more money on your horses.

Other Stuff: Someone is trying to scam me for my cart ad in BAEN, Bay Area Equestrian Network.

Carp.
I mean crap.

Also, the whole dang post is a link. I am not going to fix it. I wasted most of yesterday with a migraine. More carp.

Carriage House

Yesterday I worked on the cover for the carraige house. When I began this project, it was going to house Janow's cart. The last time I worked on it, it was going to house Maggie's cart. You can see the inexpensive cart I got to use while I was waiting for Maggie's custom Sprint cart to be completed. It is still not completed, but I have commitment to Todd Frey so I will honor it.

I don't know if working on this is part of moving on, or what. It feels weird. But....when I get it done, the Pfaff can be put to use on saddle pads.

This cart is for sale. I am emailing with someone who responded to my craigs list ad.
Yesterday was my most productive day in a long time.

On the lighter side, Paula waiting for bread, with Lydia waiting to steal Paula's bread.

Lots of Saddle pads listed on ebay this week.

Tomorrow Joseph has a day off school. I would take him somewhere fun, but at 15, "fun" and "mom" do not happen together.

She Was So Beautiful

Breathing In and Out

"Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long."
--Sam Baldwin, Sleepless in Seattle

That's pretty much how I feel. Things are not going according to plan. The support I have received would be heartening, but I feel like my heart is in a box somewhere, I forget where. I spent all day Tuesday in bed with a migraine that was so bad I didn't think I would live. I hoped I wouldn't.

I watched her through the day. By 2:00pm, I knew she was dying. The vet was coming, I would have her put down. She got worse, the vet was not here, she got worse, the vet was stuck in bay area traffic. She got worse. She started to stagger and get down, then up, then down. She was hunched in pain, up, down, up, down. She hurt. I said:
"Just stay down and stop breathing." Up, down, up down, staggering, falling, up, down, up, down.
"Maggie, please, just lay down and die." Up, down. Finally, she did.

Beautiful Maggie, with the golden nose and soft hair. Maggie, who whinnied at me to come out of the outhouse. Maggie, who would just come up to me in her paddock and lean her neck on my hip. Maggie, who would leave her food to knicker at me not to leave yet. Her illness and hospitalization bonded us so closely. She brought out the best in me.

Then the nightmares. Horses flipping over onto their heads and dying, huge bodies crashing to the ground, bones shattering. One horse, then two, then five. Dying in agony all around me. I was helpless, and then I woke up and could not catch my breath. I went back to sleep and dreamed it all again.

I went back to the ranch to clean up. So many cards, so many people came. One person had become hysterical on Tuesday and had to be driven home by another boarder. It was someone I don't even know very well.

When she was dying, I breathed in, trying to hold her scent forever. But I had to breathe out.

Maggie

Maggie colicked again on Sunday Night. She died on Monday night.

Recent Visit

Maggie is appears to be squinting. She's not. She blinks a lot. She is blinking in many of her photos. I think she is getting a new hat. Maybe that will help the blinking.

Not Happy with that!

You can't publish with the new Explorer, you must have Google Chrome. Does it make sense? Blogspot is Google. Ida no.

Very Little

I am having a difficult time posting this. I click PUBLISH POST and nothing happens. It's been days now. And there are some really cute Lydia photos.....

Still trying, might have to get Google Chrome. Stupid Explorer 9.

Not much. Not much of any importance anyway. Everything is going like it ought to be, or about as good as we could hope under the circumstances.


National Geographic has a good article on teenage brains.


Time has a good piece on parental favoritism.


I could say I have been busy, that Maggie is a lot of work, that the teen is a lot of work, that the house and winterizing are a lot of work. These things could be true, but not really explain.


The real explanation is stupid, but it's the real one. Playdom City of Wonder. I'm trying to cut down. It's not working. I might have to check in to a rehab facility, one with no wifi.

Ask Maggie

Dear Maggie,
My owner got me one of those new fangled Slow Feed hay bags. It makes it very difficult to eat my hay. I have to pull it out of the teeny holes one blade at a time. How can I convince her to get rid of the bag and just put my hay in a manger?
Thanks, Tubby

Dear Tubby,
Getting people to change their minds is a very difficult process, usually not worth the effort. You just need a good Work Around. Here is what you do with the hay bag: Thrust your muzzle deep into the mesh, chomp up and down rapidly with your incisors, like a rodent. This will break up the hay so that large amounts will simply fall out of the holes and into your mouth.
Maggie

IfThenNot

If your nose gets itchy,

don't rub it with your sleeve.

Not Invited

If you take photos of people while they are eating, they will stop inviting you to lunch.

Janow's Blankets

I sold some of Janow's blankets. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I loved Janow, not his blankets.

I guess it makes Janow a more distant past than he was when I still had these blankets. So for that, I am sad. Very sad.


This is Jazzie. She will be wearing the blankets.

ROTC, Bannana Chips and Sharing

Milpitas High School Junior Naval Reserve Officer Training Corps has new uniforms this year, in a new color. This year brings Drill Team With Arms and Arms Master.

Silver had to share her banana chips with Lydia.

Lydia believes dogs need banana chips too.

Paula is glad nobody is making her eat banana chips. (Have you ever tried to make a chicken eat anything? I didn't think so!)

Uncle Jimmy's Hangin Ball

These come in many flavors, like apple and carrot, I ordered the reduced sugar one for Maggie, who is bored and hungry. She can't start work until November.

Camp was not Fishy Enough

The first day of school was last week. I am posting this picture a little bit late. The HS had a suicide. Nobody we knew. We don't know anybody who knew this person. We are still sad.


BS troop went to camp last weekend. Lots of fishing but failed to catch that last fish needed for the fishing merit badge. It was a great try, anyway.


Silver is relieved that she does not have to go to school or to camp or eat fish.

Maggie Improves--A Little Too Much

I took some pictures to show how Maggie's hair is growing back in all the spot where she was shaved for surgery. She is shedding her summer hair like crazy. Yesterday, it seemed like if I put her in the dryer, 20% of the pony would get stuck in the lint trap.


She's also gaining weight. She lost a lot during her hospitalization, but she lost muscle as well as fat. She is only getting the fat back. I can't start working her until November. I have had her hay reduced even more, and I have ordered a couple of those hay feeders with the little bitty holes, so it will take her longer to eat. I am thinking about getting an Uncle Jimmy's Hangin Ball, sugar free, to help distract her from the lack of food.

You can see how much muscle she has lost in her topline. It's kind of sad, but she lives!

I have ground driven her in harness a couple of times. She thinks that is much more interesting than just plain hand walking. I think she is really bored.

The infection in her incision finally cleared up.

and then....

Maggi es discharge appears to have stopped. Silver is still eating and still loves me, or at least loves petting. The '99 Ford Contour passed smog check the second time around, after spending a day at the mechanic. Then it had it's tires rotated. Lydia got a bath. A bunch of Maggie's mane and tail fell out, but she still has lots left. I think it is probably stress related. Lydia put another notch on the NylaBone. I cleaned Joseph's dresser and got all his clothes sorted. He went ripping through, looking for a particular shirt. I went in and picked up the heap and started them in the wash. The ones that didn't fit in that load are in the hamper with damp towels. I hope(snicker snicker) that he doesn't need any of those things soon.....School starts Monday.

Here are my friends, riding around the ranch without me because I am hand walking a sick horse, again. There is still discharge from Maggie's incision, but it is less. She won't let me touch it anymore.

Lydia has a new chew toy.

Silver sits here when the door is open to get air.

Silver Eats!

After two colicks, a ponneh and a bunneh, eating a pooping is the best!

Why?

Why did I do it? I thought that colick surgery was too much to put a horse through, too hard, too scary. And I did it. Why?

Well, if you recall, Saturday morning before the whole thing began, I was driving up to Clay Station Horse Park for the driving play day to ride shotgun with Maureen who would be driving Spunky the school pony, solo. Traffic was bad on route 99 and I turned around and came home to find Maggie is distress.

As I drove t Clay Station, I was listening to the podcast of. The Driving Radio Show, new from Horse Radio Network. Episode 1 was introductory and the host Glenn The Geek was telling about his first driving pony, a mare that drove until she was 35 and lived to be 41. Maggie is nine. I would have many years with Maggie. Maggie would be my last horse. A lifetime companion.

Then the colick began.

As I drove her the 85 miles to the vet clinic on the following day, I thought about the years I thought I had, and the loss of Janow, and how, just the day before, I realized I as attached enough to Maggie to be upset if she colicked. How could I lose two horses in three months? I decided then.

Today....she was very happy to see me, but I was bringing food. Of course, she was happy to see the food. After the food was eaten, we went for a walk, a new route that took us down a steep hill. My balance is bad so I grabbed mane. Maggie misunderstood and moved into me. I pushed her away, she sped up. I slowed her down. She was figuring it out. Fast. Pace yourself to the person, hold them up. Stop if they let go, wait 'til they grab mane again to continue.

Totally amazing.

I put her away and hung over the door, watching. She nickered to me. She went around looking for food and came back and nickered and hung out and talked and talked, so softly, sometime just a flutter. When I turned to leave, she whinnied. I went back and we talked a little more.

This is the pony I saved.
No regrets.

Drip, Hop, Poop

This stall was designed for horses. They moved Maggie into the Show Barn right after this. She was next in line for power washing and painting. Her stall, that is. She finished her antibiotics but still has ooze coming out of her incision so Dr. Novick came out again today and gave me more. Antibiotics, not ooze. He took a video to email to Dr. Adams at the hospital. her temp is normal and she is eating and pooping.

Silver started showing the signs of colick this morning at 5am. After calling 5 places, I found a rabbit vet who could see her. Her own vet was booked for the day, but his office helped me find a place. It was way the heck over in San Jose 40 minutes away. Good thing I just bought a GPS. She got a shot of pain killer, a motility drug and a special diet that mixes with water to put in a syringe and force feed. She started eating hay when she got home. She is doing better but still not normal.

Lydia pooped in the back seat. Again. This time she was spied doing it so we could tell her "No." Now she knows not to do it. Will that make a difference? I picked the poop up and neglected to tell Joseph that she pooped in his helmet. He thinks he knows everything, but he is wrong.

Drip Two

Maggie continues to be well. She had a second lesion, near the first, swell and open, draining more discharge. She didn't move away when I poked it, so it doesn't hurt. It's probably just more stuff from an infection that's beaten. Antibiotics continue.

I need to take another picture today. I am out there three times a day to walk her. There should be lots of opportunity. Sometimes, when we are walking, she just touches her nostril to my arm. Very sweet. Janow used to give me nose bumps that almost knocked me down!

Lydia is also well. Dave is frequently amazed that I can tell her to do stuff and she does.

Milpitas High School registration packets can be picked up this week. This has a very ominous feel to it if you are a student, but not if you are a parent!

Slow Drip

Maggie's discharge is decreasing. Today is the third day of antibiotic. Tricky part has been getting her to eat it.

The first time I gave it, I moistened her Equine Senior and sprinkled the powder on. It's about one and a half tablespoons, and I added it to one and a half pounds of Senior. She ate it. The next time, she ate about half, then said "Blech."

I added rice bran: "Blech."
More Senior: "Blech."
Gatorade: "Blech."

Hmmm. Thinking.....she likes hay better than Senior.....Sprinkled water on some hay--guessed how much antibiotic she had not eaten, sprinkled it on the hay, pushed it into the stall. She ate it. She continues to eat it that way.

Lydia pooped in the back seat of the car on the way to the barn. Joseph said:
"I smell poo."
yup.

Then I left the car window open while I was taking care of Maggie. A bird flew in and pooped in the car. Can I get a new car out of this? Probably not.

But- a big plus this morning. Lydia stood in the middle of the room, looking at the back door and wagging her tail. I opened the door and she went out and pooped. Big step, asking to go out to poop. Yay Lydia!

Infection

Maggie had a slow drip of clear yellow stuff that was forming a stalactite on her incision. After a few phone calls with Pioneer Hospital, it was decided that I should have a vet see it. If I could not do that, one of the Pioneer vets would drive down to take care of it! They don't make ranch calls, especially 85 mile ones!
Scary.

Dr. Novick, my regular vet, came out yesterday and started her on antibiotics.

Her stall on The Lane is due for painting soon, like, today, I think. The other horses have gone into the Mare Motel pipe barn while their stalls were painted, but I have arranged for her to go in a box in the Show Barn. It should be done in a day or two.

She remains happy and in good spirits.

waiting, again

Maggie is in good spirits, bright and curious, wining during the afternoon and picking up again at dusk.

She has begun a slow leak of blood serum from one spot on her incision. I called and reported it to the vet at the hospital. Dr. Adams. She is not sure if it is important and was going to confur with Dr McDonald. It is clear, not cloudy, not bloody. If I wipe it, I get a small smear of fresh blood that comes form the site, not from inside.

Without cell phone signal at the stable, I wait at home.

Still Good

Maggie is still doing well. She is pooping with good appitite. Bright, interested in her surroundings and happy. She would be happier with more food..... that is increasing slowly. Today is the last day of Cisipride 2xs daily, tomorrow she goes to 1x daily.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

Maggie has returned home on Friday. The vets were tentative at sending her home, but admitted that they would be tentative unless she was eating normally and it would take awhile for that. So I am attending to her and feeding her the small prescribed amounts of food 4 times per day.

Diana of The Qi Paperswas an incredible help. She(Maggie, not Diana) stepped out of the trailer and perked right up. Her appetite was voracious. She is on stall rest with hand walking for a long time and has restricted feed.

Saturday morning she was very hungry for breakfast, then squeaked and banged her stall door to come out. After trying to run me down while I was putting on her halter, she tossed her head and jigged, then had to be corrected two times for body slamming.

She became more sedate as the day wore on, but still good and alert to her surroundings. Some of this afternoon slow down may be the way she always is. I have not had her for very long and always see her in the morning.Quite possibly, her natural best time of day may be morning, just like mine.

Maggie Has Rallied

Maggie was perky and hungry at 6am this morning. No more stomach reflux. She gets to try food again today.

Not so Good

Maggie had a bad day yesterday. A major setback in gut motility may be temporary, or it may be the end. I will know more within hours.

My fear and my grief are overwhelming, especially following so closely on my loss of Janow.

There has been distress at my decreased availablity, both emotionally and physically. I want to die.

The Maggie Report

Vet report this morning is that Maggie is doing well, pooping a little but regularly, apatite improving but not quite normal. Off IV fluids, increasing feed slowly. Some inflammation around the IV site that is being treated with hot packs. Bright and curious. If things continue, she can come home on Wednesday.

BTW---Ponies are NOT stubborn, they are TENACIOUS!

Maggie on Saturday and Sunday

I visited Maggie Saturday for a short time. Visiting hours were over at noon, none on Sunday.

Saturday morning update from the vet: Maggie has pooped! She is brighter today. She will come off antibiotics and reduce Banamine to once per day. She will get increased graze and drinks of water. If she continues as well through the day, she will come off IV fluids.

When I went to see her, she was truly there. It was Maggie. I got to walk her and graze her for two minutes. She walked fast and ate voraciously. I groomed her and she begged for treats and was herself.

Sunday morning report is that Maggie is still doing well. She is off lidocain and Banamine. She will be off IV fluids when the current bags are empty. She nickered to the vet, but was not as interested in the hay offered as they expected. Dr. McDonald says that pony behavior is not always what you would expect. I reminded him that she has eaten grass most of her life. He clarified that I meant pasture, not just grass hay. Yup, pasture in KY where they have green grass without irrigating. Remember, around here, we only get green for a few months in late winter, then dry brown most of spring and all summer, fall and winter until late January.

Thursday and Friday with Mag

Maggie had a good day Thursday.

I sponged her with water throughout the warmer part of the afternoon and that helped her stay comfortable. The Sicipride motility agent that was ordered yesterday finally came at 4pm. She was producing gut sounds within half an hour. Gastric reflux decreased throughout the day, but she still had the stomach tube when I left. They were talking about taking it out, and that the sponging to keep her cool had been important. Most significantly, by the end of the day, when I looked in her eye, there was somebody there.

I went home feeling very positive.

Friday
The vet's morning phone report was not so good. She didn't look as good as she had the day before. She had taken her tube out herself sometime in the early morning. I guess she felt good enough to be irritated with it.

When I arrived there, I could see that she didn't look as good. She still had gut sounds and had been grazing for 2 minutes every two hours with a small drink of water, She was urinating, so the fluid that was being produced in the small intestines was moving and being absorbed instead of backing up into the stomach and causing discomfort.

There was nobody home behind her eyes.

I resumed the sponging and took her grazing when it was time. By about 2pm, the look in her eye that someone was there had returned. By 5pm she had passed gas, shown interest in me and Lydia, displayed grumpiness, drank Lydia's water twice, and begun to beg for treats. She was doing well without the stomach tube. Still on the Sicipride, she was the best every since Saturday.

Still not out of the woods, but more hope.

Thanks Everyone

Thanks everyone for wishing Maggie well.

Yesterday's visit was scary. She was uncomfortable because she has fluid building up in her stomach and they had to put the tube back in. The vet told me on the phone that 2-4pm was the hardest time and he hoped I made it before then. I got there at about 1pm.

I watched them drain two buckets of fluid out of her stomach. She felt better after that, but still needed an extra dose of pain med.

She tried to eat some stray hay that was accidentally in reach, but she could not get it through the holes in the muzzle that was holding the stomach tube in place. Showing some apatite is good.

I haven't had this morning's update from the vet yet.

I am going back today. I feel so bad.

Maggie is Still Up

Maggie is doing a little better. She passed a small amount of manure last night and her stomach does not keep filling up with fluid. Still on IV fluids, lidocain and banamine. They will offer her graze today, hoping to encourage full motility. I am still worried about the intestinal inflamation that caused the colic in the first place. She could still go either way. I am going to see her today.

More Maggie

Update this morning from the vet by phone. Maggie is looking better, but they are needing to syphon fluid from her stomach periodically because there is still no motility. The vet feels positive, but because she has enteritis that caused the torsion, it is more complicated. It could still go either way.

More Maggie

Thanks, everyone, for wishing Maggie well.

Maggie continued to get worse through the day on SUnday. I ended up trailering her to Pioneer Equine Hosptital, 85 miles away. She had colic surgery that revealed a torsion with a lot of gas that was probably due to an infection. The cut her intestine to let out the gas. She came out of surgery fine but is not out of the woods yet.

I feel very, very old.

Fate

I was supposed to go up to Clay Station to ride with Maureen when she drove Spunks at the play day. Traffic turned me back home at Stockotn. Good thing. I got back to maggie with a case of colic. Banamine did not resolve it. The vet came and tubed her and gave her pain meds. This morning she has passed a small amount of the mineral oil and seems subdued but not in great distress. Not out of the woods yet.