Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Calgon, take me away!


Stuff is piling up. Big time.

I just finished reading The Elephant Keeper, a novel by Christopher Nicholson. A first person narrative about an elephant keeper in 18th century England. It's also about choosing your truth. The truth I am choosing for myself right now is not the happy one, this book didn't help. It is very good. It is potentially very beautiful or very dark.

Seven doctors and appointments into my sore foot, I have a diagnosis. There is scare tissue irritating the sympathetic nerve where is comes out of my spine between L5 and S1. It really hurts. The treatment is cortisone injection into the nerve root. Very Very painful, additionally, the narcotic they administer to get you through the process gives me a migraine that makes me throw up. It's scheduled for 6 weeks from now. I'm checking out some ways to cope with or avoid that.

Janow is really doing very well with his Adequan. Jay rode him in the park again on Friday, walking only. He says he is a great ride, very light and responsive. I had a migraine and spent all day Saturday in bed. Sunday, Janow would not let me clean his butt, which I do every day. An aging horse butt needs a little bit more care. He usually likes it. Not on this day! He clamped his tail down so hard and was tense and tender over his entire hindquarters. I messaged gently for an hour, maybe more. A passing fellow boarder said "Whatever you're doing, he sure likes it."

Monday did not show any improvement. I found, however, six or so crusty yellow scabs on his inner thigh that were so itchy that when I rubbed them with my fingers he actually held his hind leg in the air. Spider bites. I didn't see ticks nor the bloody smears where I had brushed them off. Diana walked him for me since I can't.

Tuesday, bites appear better but still sore. Emmett's vet was giving him his Potomac shot and I had him look at Janow. He found soreness over his lumbar area only. How old was this horse? "Twenty." Did I have papers on him? "Yes" Well, he said, it was pretty easy ti fake papers on a grey horse. Somebody had misled me and sold me a 25 year old horse. I think not. I have known Janow since he was three. He is not aging well. Neither am I.

I went back later in the day and found bites on his tail dock. I looked because his tail was frizzy from rubbing. That explains the tail clamping and sensitivity there. Today, there was blood in his tail from more rubbing. I don't know what to do to help him. More Tri-Hist. More sympathy. It is cold and rainy without flies. If is were hot and dusty with flies, his tail would bother him more.

I am tired of the cold, just cold enough to be uncomfortable, and I am tired of the rain. I am tired of the pain.

The truth that I am choosing for myself is that the good fortune that was in the future for this great horse and for me has almost but not quite yet happened for us for 16 years. Now we are both biologically old and have long histories of pain and illness and hope for recovery that never lasted.

1 comment:

Breathe said...

I do hope you are feeling better. Migraines and pain are incredible depressants, and difficult to overcome. Still, I hope (and send you positive thoughts) you do see light at the end of this particular tunnel.