Friday, March 16, 2012

Why?

My email got hijacked. Probably through my iPod Touch. It's new, I couldn't figure out how to log out of email. I finally did, though not elegantly.

I was missing Maggie again. Why do I miss Maggie more than I miss Janow?

I had Janow for 18 years. Eighteen years as I journeyed from 32 years old with a 4 year old horse.

Then I was 50 with a 22 year old horse.
Janow wore his heart on his sleeve.

Sometimes Gregarious, sometimes Grumpy.

Janow had chronic laminitis for years. He foundered a couple of times. I knew that laminitis would probably cause his ending. When it did, 18 years of my past ended.

You own your past.

Nobody can take it.

I had Maggie for only six months.
I invested a lot, emotionally and financially, to changing my sense of self from Janow's rider to Maggie's driver.

Maggie was the plan for the next 18 years. I would be 68, Maggie 36. Gotlands and people often live that long.
Poor Maggie. She was nine when she was finally purchased from the breeder. She was a funky looking pony, described as "a little bit boring." Maggie took everything is stride. She was tender and affectionate. To me, she was beautiful.

Oh God, she was so beautiful.

My Pony Girl.

My Plain Brown.

When she died, 18 years of my future was stolen. My sense of self was gone.

I was swimming. Yndi was swimming. A broodmare at 16, the economy and her age were not in her favor. Joyce was determined to get her to a good place and joined us up.
Was Maggie's tender affection a Gotland trait?

Yndi says "Yes, it is."

We are going to live.

Yndi and I, we are going to live.

5 comments:

Grey Horse Matters said...

It's so hard to lose our best friends. Janow and Maggie were your past and your future. I understand when you say it's not easy to lose your future. Yndi looks very sweet and I'm sure you'll have lots of good times together.

Amanda said...

I think you answered your question yourself in this post - you miss Maggie more because all that potential, all those future years were stolen from you, but nothing can take away the years you had with Janow. I think both you & Yndi are very lucky to have found each other. Wishing you many happy moments together!

Elise said...

a good read. A painful read, but a good one.

Paula said...

There is something about taking care of an animal over their lifetime that allows you to travel with them, that says that you're in it together to the end. To lose one suddenly is a shock and a jarring loss. And you just love your horses.

OnTheBit said...

It hurts with Maggie because she was your hope for the future. Hopefully little Yindi will take over that spot and show you the way ahead.